i feel like i need to be writing something, but i don't know what's driving me. so i'm just going to ramble.
god sent me my kitten, Jimi. my allergies are almost unbearable at this point, though. he is so sweet, so loving, so cuddly, gets along with and loves all the rest of the family. he is the perfect pet. but i am consistently physically miserable. hopefully getting him neutered will help, because i don't want to get rid of him. i adore him.
Power, Privilege, and Justice is on and Woody and I are watching it together. currently a woman is talking about how her dad loved listening to loud classical music. that just reminds me of Grampi listening to his opera at 7 in the morning. he would turn it up so loud to wake us all up. it was the most lovely alarm clock. he liked the house to be cool too. and they always had Trix cereal for us to eat out of their transparent blue plastic bowls. they were all kept under the island in the kitchen. i can still smell the house, honestly. i can still see exactly what it would have looked like on a summer morning, having spent the night with the girls and drew and clark. sleeping in the big bed in the Laura Ashley room or one of the twin beds in the little, yellow playroom. i loved that house so much. from the window in the formal living room you could see everyone playing in the pool. it was so comfortable there. i miss how things were. i loved those times. i loved the feeling there.
there are some things i never want to forget. that house is one of them. i moved so much that no house really felt like home, except the one in cincinnati. but grammi and grampi's house was always the place to celebrate, always the get together house. christmas and birthdays were always, without fail, celebrated there. i have vivid memories of grampi standing at the island, just smiling and laughing at somebody's story. he loved hearing other people's stories. i can see his face. when he really liked something somebody said he would laugh, his eyes would crinkle up at the corners and he'd say, "Is that right?" he always wore khakis, pants or shorts, and polos, with a belt. if he was being less formal he would wear one of his cycling shirts.
my grandpa was one of the best people you could ever know. it was truly a privilege and an honor to know him. that's what i'm realizing as i write this. my grandpa, dan noble, was an amazing human being. until somebody told me that, in no uncertain terms, he was my father's step dad i didn't know we weren't biologically related. he was there when i was born, always told me he loved me, talked to me about what was going on in my life, loved listening to me play piano. he taught me how to play hearts. he loved alex, woody, dianna, drew, clark, jake, and i just as much as carly, sam, chelsea, amelia, and olivia. he was so genuine. he had such a compassionate soul. i aspire to be like him. he and daddy were the two most calm, level headed, and kind people i've ever known. to see someone as quietly confident and unreasonably kind as them is an inspiration. it sounds silly, but almost Ghandi-esque. that is how i see them. they were my two biggest male influences and the two people i will miss the most. i didn't get them for long, but i had them in my life and i am grateful for that. i learned how a man should act in society, how he should treat his family, and how he should love a woman. not everybody gets that in their lifetime and i got it twice.
i know most of this is redundant and probably doesn't matter to anyone but me and my god, but it was overwhelming. i had to write about something and it felt right to talk about grampi. i love you, grampi. i love you, daddy. i talk to you every day, so i know you're listening. i miss you. i can't wait to see you again some day.
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